Beauty Matters

"Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters

Speak to me until I understand
Why our thinking and creating
Why our efforts of narrating
About the beauty, of the beauty
And why it matters

Like the statue in the park
Of this war torn town
And it's protest of the darkness
And the chaos all around
With its beauty, how it matters
How it matters

Show me the love that never fails
The compassion and attention
Midst confusion and dissention
Like small ramparts for the soul
How it matters

Like a single cup of water
How it matters"

-Sara Groves, "How It Matters"

This I have learned. It is entirely possible to find beauty when you don't feel like it, or when nothing around you seems to be beautiful on it's own. The fact that I have woken up in the morning and the first thing that happens is a tear rolls down my cheek can mean two things. 1. This is the end of all happiness, and I should just relinquish myself to being hurt. 2. The tear was beautiful. Not because it felt good, but because it was telling of change occurring in my heart. 

Some random monk once said, (I don't normally quote monks so try not to be too impressed with my intellect) that we should embrace moments of loneliness fully, because in that moment of pain our hearts are softened towards God in a way they would never be otherwise. 

I think that is very true. I didn't want to see the beauty of anything God was breaking in my heart this last month. But I got to a point that felt as if holding onto what I wanted was hot, and would literally burn the inside of my hands if I did not loosen my grip. It hurt so much less when I opened them. 

I have not written in a long time. Partly because my summer has been full to bursting and there was not time to sleep much less pontificate. Secondly, if I wrote, it would expose things in my heart I wasn't ready to deal with yet. I think we all know why I chose to keep quiet. Selfish. Ouch. 

But I'm writing now! Good. 

Things in my intimacy with God, and identity plunged low this summer. Because of the way I feel things deeply it often requires God to do something to get my attention that hurts deeply. 

It was the kind of thing where you get caught up in a whirlwind of self and when you stop spinning for a second you realize you tore the flowers around you right out of the ground, and completely missed the rain every time it fell. 

I stopped spinning, don't worry. God is so sweetly good. He is good in a way I never supposed good to be. My good, is His glory, which in all reality means that my good is not what i want. My good doesn't feel good. That's so strange, but true. God took things away that I thought I could not do without. He showed me my own brokenness deep behind layers I did not know existed, and He showed me that He is both good and dangerous at the same time. 

Funny how you walk into ministry thinking of how YOU will impact others, and then walk out in pieces yourself. 

This is what I really want to talk about...

Beauty matters. 

There is a piece of our soul that longs to be shown something beautiful. The word means different things to all of us, but regardless, we go to such great lengths to experience a little of it. That's because God hides there. Most things we long for are connected to the heart of God, and we have just pinned that desire onto something else. 

Flowers on the mantle 

An organized list of things to accomplish

Tears

Homemade macaroni and cheese

Macaroni and cheese out of a box

Blue eyes

Someone finding out what they are good at

Dirty hands that need to be washed

A child

Rosy morning light

They all have a place in our lives, not because they heal a wound, but because God uses them up against scary, hurtful, dark things to show us he is never NOT good. Just good in a way we don't always understand, or even in a way that needs to be sought after. 

My expectations for the "hope and future" God promises me have fallen by the wayside. My definition of beauty has changed. But they both still matter. I pray that God continues to line my heart up with His.

Please go seek out beauty in your day, and in the seeking, hopefully you will find the treasure of where your heart truly lies. 

Just a Cake

While I didn't have time to do much of anything else, I at least took some photographs for you yesterday as I baked away. This is a chocolate cake with peanut butter filling. mmmm hmmm.

Sorry, no recipe cause I'm exhausted. :) 

I used the left overs for truffles (see pictures at the bottom) which of course were doused in sea salt. 

Pretty.

Giving Care

"Care giving is the role of creating and sustaining the bonds of affection."

 -Andi Ashworth

I won't be cooking much this weekend. I mean, I will. But not for you all. I am in the throws of making people meals in exchange for donations towards my summer.

So due to that I am posting a pretty picture of the coffee that is going to get me through the weekend of running around covered in flour. 

Also, the quote above is not only deep and lovely, but more true than we stop to think about. Why does our society think that being a caregiver isn't a job? or a real one at least. Why do we act like it doesn't shape our children and loved ones in life altering ways, because it does. When I cook for someone it is my way of creatively seeing a need in someone, and filling it. Their emotional state becomes my canvas for cultivating a  whole, and beautiful picture. Care givers (whether that's cooking a meal, or reading a book, or setting the table) are creating bonds in community around them, and binding up broken places. It's SO important! 

When you make coffee for someone in your family this morning or the next, give it your all. Love them in pouring it. You are feeding their soul in a small, but heavenly way. And they probably just needed it. 

Words on Honey (or honey on words.)

Honey is not just sweet. It reminds us of something built, something earned. It doesn’t just taste good, but it nurtures our bodies long after we lick the last of it from our fingers. If we are aware of this we will savor it more often, and treasure it in all it’s earthy, golden, goodness. 

God says that honey is comparable to wisdom. “My son, eat honey because it is good, and the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste. So shall the knowledge of wisdom be to your soul. If you have found it, there is prospect, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Prov 24:13-14)

Wisdom not only tastes good, but it lasts. If this is so, then is the understanding only God gives sweet to your palate as well as your soul? It is, by nature, a gift. Do I lick it from my fingers and ask for more?  Do I throw my arms wide and embrace all that it offers me? Do I drizzle wisdom on my words in the morning, or bottle it for later?

My Lord says that wisdom brings hope where there was none before, and all those times when I said I couldn’t see what was next, wisdom was offering me a prospect.

I want that, wisdom spread thick over my life, sweetening every thought, and judgment I’m asked to make.

Do you?

Sit and watch honey catch sunlight today, and open your heart to be taught by The Maker.

In the light

This morning God. 

There was going to be a sentence on the end of that but it just looked better on it's own. This morning God. That's pretty much it. I feel as if I'm standing in front of a tree in which lovers initials have been carved. Observing a place where someone's love left it's mark, making an ordinary tree into a sacred spot that says "we were here, and we felt deeply in this spot and moment." God carved my name and his into this morning, and it became a place to be remembered. He told me to seek out the light, to look at it differently when it hit things. To find it, and sit in it. To remember that his presence is as warm and real as light on my skin, on my journal pages, on my coffee. 

So I found the light. 

And I found God.

Can I sit for awhile, under Your smile, and not say a word? 

Cause the cry of my hear is to be set apart, and I know You've heard.

I will trust, and believe that You've washed me clean, and I'm pleasing You.

Could I sit at Your feet, feel Your gaze upon me, as I trust Your near? Tears fill my eyes as I realize that You're wanting me.

I don't want to be anywhere else than by Your side. 

I don't want to be anything less than pure in Your eyes. 

Loosing Beauty

I have been inundated with well spoken words lately. Words on beauty, and tears, and old coming from the new. Words about listening, and words about letting love change things.
There is a purpose rising around me. I see it in the way people create and enjoy... as if they are just now discovering a meaning to their enjoyment. And there is one. Can you imagine how our hearts might relate to God's if people found God in finger painting? Or if they learned to worship through music that wasn't about God, but music that simply soared to Him anyway?
We have lost our sense of Eden, when all that was good and green was filled with God, and it didn't have to be branded by a church, or endorsed with the word "holy."

I think it might be coming back though. I think God wants to teach us how to shine, but how will we do that within a hard casing of "this is the only way" mentality, and promises to not look undignified? If God is THE Creator, then wouldn't he be present in our process of creating as well? And even more importantly, would a creative God set boundaries in how, and where we experience Him? I don't think He would, or does. I can see God loosing His beauty on our hearts so as to open and change them, and I see people responding!
Individuals leaning back on the Beloved in small, mundane ways.
Learning to enjoy Him, because solemn does not mean devoted.
Enjoying when they take a bite.
Enjoying when they get dirt under their fingernails.
Enjoying when they hum.
Returning to the place where they are made holy simply by delighting in Him.

And you had better believe that makes Him happy.