End for a Beginning

Oh how I am ready for summer to be over. That sounds kind of harsh, but so is the heat here... soooo, I think I am entitled. I want to cook with things that I love, like squash, and kale, and figs.I want to wear things that I love, like scarves, and boots, and leggings. I want it to be fall. 

My new job is feeding my soul in a deep way I didn't know I was missing until I found it again. The little boy I watch is like miniature version of myself, and our adventures together feel like old friends joining hands after a long time apart. I cook. From their families garden I cook. There is something about earth to table cooking, it feels right and whole. 

Above all I love that what I do now is not only what I'm passionate about, but it blesses someone else in a significant way. Like I am putting their family on stilts in the middle of a flood. 

Me and God. 

Here are some things I have made this month. 

[Peach Crisp with a Cornmeal, Oat, and Black Pepper Crumble]

[Green Tomato Cornbread]

• 2 cups seeded, diced green tomatoes (about 3/4 lb.)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/2 cup butter, melted and divided 
• 2 cups yellow cornmeal 
• 1/2 cup gf flour
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 teaspoons lemon zest
• 5 large eggs 
• 1/2 Cup diced green chilies 
• 1 (16-oz.) container sour cream
• Combine the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. In a stand mixer beat butter, honey, sour cream, and eggs. Incorporate the dry ingredients into the mixer, and mix until just combined. Fold in the tomatoes, chilies, and lemon zest.
• Bake in a cornbread mold or muffin tin at 350 for 20 min.
• 
  

[Roasted Acorn Squash]

This corn is heaven

There is something about shucking corn. When we were little, Mama would sit us on the back porch with a pile of ears and we would shuck to our hearts content. Somewhere in the space of pulling off leaves and silk I learned to enjoy little things and sort out my thoughts. 

Today as I sit at the kitchen table and smell the earthy scent the corn brings from home I think, "I should do this more often." Addressing my need to both sit and think, and shuck corn on a regular basis. 

I hope that I am the kind of person to see God in moments like these. Do you look for him on places such as corn on the cob?

"Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God;

But only he who sees takes of his shoes,

The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries."

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Cooking side note: sear the boiled corn in a hot skillet or the grill. Mix 4 oz of cream cheese, 2 tbs of butter, chili powder and lots of salt and lime juice. Spread it on the grilled corn while its hot. So so lovely! 

Also, eating corn with abandon is a requirement. The butter and juice should in fact run down to your elbows. 

Beauty Matters

"Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters

Speak to me until I understand
Why our thinking and creating
Why our efforts of narrating
About the beauty, of the beauty
And why it matters

Like the statue in the park
Of this war torn town
And it's protest of the darkness
And the chaos all around
With its beauty, how it matters
How it matters

Show me the love that never fails
The compassion and attention
Midst confusion and dissention
Like small ramparts for the soul
How it matters

Like a single cup of water
How it matters"

-Sara Groves, "How It Matters"

This I have learned. It is entirely possible to find beauty when you don't feel like it, or when nothing around you seems to be beautiful on it's own. The fact that I have woken up in the morning and the first thing that happens is a tear rolls down my cheek can mean two things. 1. This is the end of all happiness, and I should just relinquish myself to being hurt. 2. The tear was beautiful. Not because it felt good, but because it was telling of change occurring in my heart. 

Some random monk once said, (I don't normally quote monks so try not to be too impressed with my intellect) that we should embrace moments of loneliness fully, because in that moment of pain our hearts are softened towards God in a way they would never be otherwise. 

I think that is very true. I didn't want to see the beauty of anything God was breaking in my heart this last month. But I got to a point that felt as if holding onto what I wanted was hot, and would literally burn the inside of my hands if I did not loosen my grip. It hurt so much less when I opened them. 

I have not written in a long time. Partly because my summer has been full to bursting and there was not time to sleep much less pontificate. Secondly, if I wrote, it would expose things in my heart I wasn't ready to deal with yet. I think we all know why I chose to keep quiet. Selfish. Ouch. 

But I'm writing now! Good. 

Things in my intimacy with God, and identity plunged low this summer. Because of the way I feel things deeply it often requires God to do something to get my attention that hurts deeply. 

It was the kind of thing where you get caught up in a whirlwind of self and when you stop spinning for a second you realize you tore the flowers around you right out of the ground, and completely missed the rain every time it fell. 

I stopped spinning, don't worry. God is so sweetly good. He is good in a way I never supposed good to be. My good, is His glory, which in all reality means that my good is not what i want. My good doesn't feel good. That's so strange, but true. God took things away that I thought I could not do without. He showed me my own brokenness deep behind layers I did not know existed, and He showed me that He is both good and dangerous at the same time. 

Funny how you walk into ministry thinking of how YOU will impact others, and then walk out in pieces yourself. 

This is what I really want to talk about...

Beauty matters. 

There is a piece of our soul that longs to be shown something beautiful. The word means different things to all of us, but regardless, we go to such great lengths to experience a little of it. That's because God hides there. Most things we long for are connected to the heart of God, and we have just pinned that desire onto something else. 

Flowers on the mantle 

An organized list of things to accomplish

Tears

Homemade macaroni and cheese

Macaroni and cheese out of a box

Blue eyes

Someone finding out what they are good at

Dirty hands that need to be washed

A child

Rosy morning light

They all have a place in our lives, not because they heal a wound, but because God uses them up against scary, hurtful, dark things to show us he is never NOT good. Just good in a way we don't always understand, or even in a way that needs to be sought after. 

My expectations for the "hope and future" God promises me have fallen by the wayside. My definition of beauty has changed. But they both still matter. I pray that God continues to line my heart up with His.

Please go seek out beauty in your day, and in the seeking, hopefully you will find the treasure of where your heart truly lies. 

Heirlooms

"Beauty is but the sensible image of The Infinite." ~ Bancroft

Summer Heirloom Galette with Poppyseed Crust and Herb Dressing (gluten free) 

Crust: 

-1 Cup Almond flour

-3/4 Cup Brown rice flour

-tsp sea salt

-Tbs Poppyseeds

-1/2 tsp Stevia powder

-1 stick(8Tbs) Butter

-Ice cold water

In a bowl combine all the ingredients except butter and water, whisk. Cut butter into the mixture until crumbly. Add a little water until the dough comes together, it will be very soft. Wrap in plastic and chill for at least an hour. After it is chilled roll it into a circle about a 1/2 inch thick. The dough will be soft and somewhat crumbly. 

Filling:

-4 oz Cream cheese

-4 oz Goat cheese

- Assorted heirloom tomatoes

Cream the cheeses together and spread on the prepared crust. Layer tomatoes however you would like, you can fill it as full as you so please. :)Fold the crust's edges over the filling gently, only covering the surface partially. Bake at 350 until golden and cheese starts to bubble, about 45 min. 

Dressing: 

-1/4 Cup Lemon juice

1/2 Cup Olive oil

-Fresh, Basil, Thyme, Sage, Parsley, and Garlic

Salt and Pepper

Blend everything except the sage with an emulsion blender. Stir in torn pieces of sage at the end and season to taste. Drizzle over the baked and cooled galette. 

Have A Lovely Weekend... And Enjoy His Beauty In It's Every Form.